What's On Their Mind?

Jose - I am ze special one. My players are ze special ones. Need 100 million pounds to get more special ones.

Roman - Ahh...Jose is demanding more funds. I think I may have to return to my money laundering days soon.

Obi Mikel - What have I done? I should ask for a new contract and more money to get over my mistake of leaving ManU.

Wenger - Need to get more players and strengthen my squad for next zeason. I heard there are a couple of promising 14-year olds in Ghana...must get them.

Owen - Newcastle is a big club and I should be loyal to them. Who am I kidding? Fergie, Jose, Rafa...someone please put me out of my misery.

Tevez - Qué el infierno que estoy haciendo en WestHam? Debo ir a Chelsea y ganar más efectivo y participar en las orgías de JohnT y de Lamps.

Southgate - How can I put the blame on Cristiano Ronaldo for Boro's disappointing season?

Ballack - Should I get another Maybach with my last week's wages?

Ronaldinho - Who says I am not hungry anymore? I never skip my lunch or dinner. I never say no to a free lunch. And in fact, I have regular snacks throughout the day.

Becks - Should I quit football and take a shot at Hollywood?

Ruud - The ball is Cristiano Ronaldo and the net is Fergie.

Essien - I should learn not to put my big foot inside my mouth. And, I should learn Math.

Big Sam - So many test messages from Fergie! Should change my number.

Fergie - Must find Big Sam.

Christmas Presents

It's that time of the year where we give out presents to managers and players. Last year, Wenger got a pair of binoculars, Essien got a new pair of spiked football shoes. This time, these would be the appropriate presents for these people...

Shevchenko - a return ticket to Italy

Alan Pardew - a flag of Argentina

Fegie - already got an early Christmas present by drawing Lille in the next round of CL

Mourinho - a video archive of great, entertaining football

Wenger - a couple of promising 10 year old kids from Angola - Onwaquachi and Muawawahaha

What people should give away as presents...

Mourinho - the young guys who spend more time warming the bench than ruffling the referee on the pitch

Beckham - his retirement announcement

Fergie - releasing Silvestre who can help out Cannavaro at Real

Merry Christmas everyone and a Happy New Year!